The Horror
by PaleGoldenSeal
Summary: This is my first fan fiction for IT Crowd, it probably won't be funny or smart or witty but bear with me!
1. Chapter 1

*This is my first IT Crowd fan fiction, please don't be horrible to me :)* Chapter 1

_"__Roy…"_ Moss shouted quite quietly, with a hint of anxiety.

_"__Roy!"_ Moss shouted again with more urgency, still maintaining a certain 'quietness' about the shout.

_"__What is it Moss?"_ Roy responded as he walked over to Moss and leant on his chair.

_"__Look." _

_"__What?"_ Roy asked, slightly annoyed that he had to stop playing his game.

_"__Look, up there!" _Moss stated to Roy whilst pointing to the top left corner of his monitor's screen.

_"__It's a pop-up, Moss. Just close it."_ Roy said again sounding more annoyed.

_"__It is a picture of breasts! Roy, don't you see? Don't you see the breasts, Roy! Look at them, look!"_ Moss said as if Roy should see the breasts as a horrible creature that has a fetish for a woman's chest that does not have bumps.

_"__Moss, just close it."_ Roy said.

_"__No. I will not just close it! I will have to show Jen and she will have to make a complaint to someone in the management above her!"_ Moss said standing up but then sitting down when he had finished his 'speech'.

With this Roy made a lurch for the mouse to close the pop-up, Moss saw this and managed to grab the mouse as well. What followed could only be described as a chaotic explosion of nerdiness over a pair of breasts, and not in the way you are thinking of!

Finally Roy managed to gain control of the mouse and closed the pop-up.

_"__There, all closed no more pop-up,"_ Roy said triumphantly.

_"__Roy…"_ Moss said cautiously. _"There are more breasts. Roy, help please!" _Moss started panicking.

_"__Close them," _Roy said sounding a little bit more worried. He watched Moss move the innocent little mouse pointer over to the pop-up's close button. It seemed in slow motion, the way that Moss clicked the button. Suddenly the pop-up exploded into another two pop-ups of breasts. Moss rapidly 'closed' the pop-ups but all that happened was the number of pairs of breasts increased and increased.

When the number of pairs of breasts increased to around the three hundred mark Jen walked in. Roy quickly hurried away from Moss' computer as Jen walked over.

_"__What's going on here?"_ Jen asked as she caught a glimpse of Moss' screen. _"__Urgh! Moss! That is disgusting! I mean do it in your own time but not at work, not in the office!"_ Jen told Moss, disgusted by what she had just seen.

_"__No, no, no, no, no. Jen, it's not my fault sometimes I get these 'pop-ups'. It isn't my fault I can't stop it."_ Moss said but it was clear by Jen's face that she thought Moss meant pop-ups in a different way.

_"__Moss! Haven't your parents had the talk with you? If you do get these… these 'pop-ups' you don't have to… 'deal' with it there and then…" _Jen said trying to use the 'kindest' words.

Roy thought he would help Moss out here, _"No, Jen. We all get pop-ups now and again, you know what I mean? Moss gets pop-ups, I get pop-ups, and you get pop-ups. Don't worry though I'm helping Moss out with pop-up problem, I think he has a virus."_Roy thought he explained clearly but by Jen's face it was obvious he hadn't.

_"__Roy that is disgusting, and Moss if you have a virus I think you should go see a doctor,"_ Jen told the pair of them, not the breasts, with disgust as she walked into her office. She quickly turned around and sharply told Roy, _"And I certainly do not have 'pop-ups' I am a woman, not a man Roy!'_


	2. Chapter 2

**The Horror**

**Chapter 2**

"What's got her in a mood," Roy said as he turned back to Moss.

"I don't know, Roy. I don't know anything anymore," Moss said throwing his head into his hands as he did so. "We still have to get rid of the breasts."

"Okay…" Roy said thoughtfully. "I have an idea! What if we try turning it off and back on again," Roy exclaimed with a big Irish grin on his face.

"Roy, you are a genius!" Moss leapt, not literally, for the off button and crashed the PC off. There was an awkward silence as Roy and Moss watched the computer turn off.

"So… Doin' anything nice over the weekend?" Roy asked Moss with hesitation. Moss responded with a look of disappointment directed at Roy. The PC had turned off completely and Moss was quick to turn it back on. After a short wait the PC told Moss and Roy that they would have to wait for 10,653 updates to download and install.

"For Christ's sake," Roy exclaimed. "We are going to be here for hours, do you want to go to the park or something."

"No." Moss responded.

"Why not Moss?"

"Don't want to say."

"Was it the bullies again Moss?" Roy asked with a hint of empathy in his Irish voice.

"It's always the bullies on the bench, Roy." Moss stated this fact as if it was obvious.

"I thought you dealt with them when you ran at them with a gun," Roy asked.

"Yeah but then they came back! Bigger and stronger Roy, bigger and stronger."

"Okay so no park… what if… what if we go to a coffee shop?"

"A coffee shop without using a laptop, are you mad Roy?" Moss raised his voice a little.

"Yes, yes. What was I thinking," Roy exclaimed. "I know, what about the game shop?"

"Yes, Roy. That is a brilliant idea."

"Jen!" Roy shouted so Jen could hear it, "Me and Moss are going to the game shop, be back in an hour!"

"What? What do you mean going out? Who is going to fix any problems with computers and stuff?" Jen asked in an almost panicked voice.

"Don't worry about it Jen I have hooked up the phone with an automatically recorded message," Moss clicked the button to play the message, 'Hello IT, have you tried turning it off and back on again.' Roy's Irish voice blared out of the recorder. Both Moss and Roy had disappeared before the message had finished and before Jen knew what was going on.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Now, as the author of this 'fine' novel I believe it to be my duty to tell readers that this game shop is not a shop for video games. It is a shop for board games, and for the younger readers, board games are games that you get out of a box but DON'T plug it into a TV. They are placed on a table, or floor, or wherever really and you play them on a board with counters and dice and… and… just go ask your parents about Monopoly and Cluedo.

Now, where was I, oh yes…

"I think they do a Dungeons and Dragons competition at the game shop, Roy" Moss said happily as he walked through the streets to one of his favourite places in the world. He reminded you of a small child going to Disneyland.

"Yeah…" Roy tried to act like that he didn't know Moss.

"We can dress up, Roy!" Moss said enthusiastically.

"Yeah… Moss, just you know keep your voice down a bit…" Roy responded quietly.

"Why should I Roy? I am the happiest person in the world!" Moss shouted. This triggered all of the people in the street to stare at him. It must have also triggered Roy to run towards the game shop.

Roy stood in the game shop and his mopey face lit up. Moss ran in after him.

The game shop was a cacophony of games, dice, nerdy men, elves, dwarfs, halflings, thieves… in fact you name it and it was there!

Moss quickly spotted the game of Dungeons and Dragons that was over in the left hand corner of the room. They looked as if they were halfway through a game.

"Excuse me fine sir, but myself and an elf friend have got lost in these…" Moss waited for a hint from the dungeon master.

"Woods," the dungeon master said quite happily.

"Woods, can we please join your party of merry travellers," The travellers didn't look so pleased.

"What class are ya'," One traveller said he had black greasy hair and broken glasses.

"Ah, I am Marroar Serpenthelm the mighty cleric," As Moss said his name there were gasps around the table.

The same traveller said, "So the legends are true! I thought you didn't exist my liege. Is it true that you really are Level 193?"

Moss replied with a simple, "Yes."

The travellers went crazy with excitement and lots of giggles and whispers were shared among the whole shop. "And this must be your sidekick, Ricven Moonshadow an elf assassin." At this point Roy stepped forward showed the table his and Moss' character sheets.

"As the party met these famous warriors a beast so foul, a Balhannoth appeared," The dungeon master said. Roy and Moss sat down and went about playing their magical game.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Moss and Roy were in a magical world of their own. They had no clue about what was happening outside of their own bubbles. It had been six hours since Roy and Moss had left Jen to manage IT all by herself.

"Marroar Serpenthelm melted through the bandit leader's neck, grabbed his sidekick and ran off into the forest leaving six bags of 500 platinum pieces for the fellow companions. The companions didn't know if they would see this mystical cleric ever again." The Dungeon master told the group of warriors. Just as the group were going to congratulate each other on their winnings they noticed Moss and Roy had gone.

"Where did they go?" One scrawny teenager said, his hair was black and greasy and he reminded one of a more realistic Harry Potter.

"They will be back, not when you expect it, but they shall return," the Dungeon Master said solemnly, as he too turned his back and left the store.

Outside the store Roy broke free of Moss' grip around his jumper. "Why'd ya' do that?" Roy asked in his Irish voice.

"We left Jen, Roy!" Moss responded with urgency as he started walking, at a very brisk pace, back to the office.

Roy only just managed to catch up with him, "We've only been out an hour."

"Roy, the Sun is going away. It is five o'clock, we have been gone 6 hours!"

Roy just stood there staring at Moss, with disbelief. "No," Roy said quietly.

"Yes," Moss said straight to Roy's face.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Roy we are dead, what are we going to do?" Moss asked with the voice of a terrified adult who was about to meet the boss.

"Moss, I have an idea." Roy said as he beckoned Moss closer and started telling him his idea.

Douglas Renholm sat in his chair with two girls stood either side. When he saw that two people were entering his office he quickly stopped them.

"No, no, no! You guys are rubbish! Go back outside and try again." Douglas told them, not in a harsh way in a more, I'm going to do something cool way.

As the two men entered the room again they quickly realised that Douglas was sat not facing them, and he said in a projected voice, "Ah…" He stopped. Something was wrong. Douglas asked for their names and then he quickly ushered them away outside.

They entered the room once more, "Ah Roy and Moss," Douglas said with the hint of laughter in his voice. "I've been expecting you."

Roy's Irish voice replied, "Sorry, sir we are so sorry!"

"Yes I heard about your fiasco. Leaving the building and not returning, well what is your excuse?" Douglas told the pair of IT workers.

Roy was the first to speak, "Well you see, Moss…"

Moss suddenly cut Roy off, but he spoke in a different way, with a deep, masculine voice. "Yeah well ya' see boss, we was out for lunch and we saw these hot blonde things," Roy could not believe what he was witnessing. "We had to follow them, imagine if we didn't boss, we would have lost out on some action."

Douglas was entranced, "Wow. Moss, I didn't think you were this sort of person. What happened how far did you get?"

Moss wasn't surprised at this response, "If I told you that boss," Moss continued with his deep voice. "I would have to kill you!" Moss joked.

Douglas burst out laughing, "I am sorry to have bothered you boys. I'll let you get back to work."

After Moss and Roy were back down in the basement Roy was quizzing Moss on how he managed to skive work for six hours and not get in trouble with it.


	5. Chapter 5 - The Final Chapter

Chapter 5 – The Final Chapter

"Roy, while we have been away it has done one update," Moss said in a melancholic tone.

"You are joking, aren't you Moss," Roy said with an Irish voice of disbelief.

"No, Roy! I can't stand this anymore! I am leaving!" Moss stood up and told, quite loudly for Moss, this straight to Roy's face.

"Where are you going?" Roy shouted after him.

"To buy a new laptop!" Moss shouted back, as he left.


End file.
